Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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