i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
