Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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