i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
