based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
