If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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