so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
