I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
