Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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