I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
3 2 1 whiskey
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
