im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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