Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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