The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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