just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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