i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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