So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
