so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
