I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
