I'll bet she douches with gravy.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We are two peas in an std pod
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
