You smell like stripper and shame
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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