Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
