Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
