i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
