god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
