Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
