The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
