i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
