His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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