He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
