Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
