I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
