My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
it glows. i had to have it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
