the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
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I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
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I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
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