My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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