I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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