Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
