he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
