hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
