are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
