yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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