I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
