I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
