Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
