dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
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I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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