We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
