Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
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Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
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The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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