omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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