Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i will never coherently bang her
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
