If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
