Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
