do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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