look no pants
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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