I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
