It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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