I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
