I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
