pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize