listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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