when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize