Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
