Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
