people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
