So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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