Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
