we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
